Fresh01 Blog

from the daily mash…

ADMINISTRATORS were called into cheese and onion crisps last night as the classic flavour became the latest high profile victim of the recession.

The demise of cheese and onion came at the end of a black day for the British economy which also saw the collapse of conkers, pick’n'mix and a nice pot of tea.

City analysts say cheese and onion was unable to compete in a market filled with radical new flavours including Double Gloucester and red onion, Stilton and shallot, and vintage cheddar and onion chutney.

Bill McKay, head of crisps at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “The thing I’ll miss most about cheese and onion is how it masked the stench of stale urine that pervades every inch of this Godforsaken shithole of a country.

“But unfortunately it had begun to look very old fashioned alongside modern British brands such as celebrity cock fights, alco-puke, casual racism and sex with strangers in the back of a Vauxhall Vectra.”

He added: “For brands to survive these days they have to adapt. Conkers involved two humans in the same place with no electronic devices.

“And who wants a nice pot of tea when you can pay £1.75 for two square feet of boiling foam?”

Administrators are hopeful that parts of the flavour can be salvaged and have already spoken to Waitrose about incorporating it into a new batch of Hand Smoked Gorgonzola and Vietnamese Chive.

from the daily mash…

APPLE has been forced to withdraw its latest iPhone advert because it exaggerates how busy you are and how significant your life is.

The TV campaign made repeated claims that you are a meaningful human being who needed an iPhone because you are at the very centre of everything that is going on and are the key member of your team.

However, the Advertising Standards Authority upheld complaints from 17 people you worked with who said you could be lying dead, face down on your desk for six months and no one would notice, unless it was your turn to get the biscuits.

A spokesman said: “According to Apple you need an iPhone to deal with emails, organise your hectic social life, and monitor fast moving world events via the Daily Mail website.

“But the reality is you need to shut up about your stupid fucking phone and just do something, anything that does not involve you being a complete arsehole.”

Your secretary Helen said: “Julian Cook’s office. Yes Julian, I got your email. It was from your phone was it? I didn’t notice. No, there are no messages for you.

“Yes, we sorted that. It seems you inputted the wrong figures after lunch. Of course I told Chris, I had to, he’s my boss too you know.”

Helen added: “Yes I know it’s you again, I recognise the number. No, still no messages. No emails either. Julian, did you get the biscuits or not?”

Dear Kurt,

A pre-emptive quiz team name, to stop the embarassment of the potential last place we feared we would get at the Seddons charity quiz night! However, I am pleased to report that not only did the Fresh account team - Danny, Jo and Mark - do Fresh proud, but our fantastic clients that came along managed to get us up to joint 12th place. Special thanks to Holly, Rebecca, Christa, Parmjit, Kate and Sandy for making the evening such good fun - well done all.

A business conference is hardly the place you would expect to test your agility. But on the 23 and 24th September in ExCeL, DB Consulting did away with convention. A platinum sponsor at this year’s Agile Business Conference, DB Consulting asked us to come up with a fun and interactive way of attracting delegates to their stand. The solution; as well as designing stunning exhibition banners and brochure was the inclusion of a wire buzzer game, similar to those you may remember as a child. The aim, if you can cast your mind back that far, was to guide a hoop of metal along a wire without touching it – otherwise the buzzer will go off and in this case LED lights as well. The game was a big success and many of the delegates, perhaps a little tired of the keynote speeches returned time and time again to try their luck at the buzzer game  - all in the name of agility – oh and the free i-pod that was up for grabs.

i saw this ad online - love the creative copy!

When you walk by most peoples’ gardens, you’ll see some kind of cute statue, maybe of a gnome, or a deer. Those are nice and all, but what if you want something a little bit scary for your garden? I don’t know about you, but I love this Garden Zombie.

The picture shows the mulch all nice and neat around him, but I think I’d put some bare dirt around him to make it look like he was really digging his way out of the ground. That would certainly scare off any little kids that wandered too closely.

He’s a little expensive at $89, but he would totally be worth it. Well maybe not, it might give my grandma a heart attack if she stopped by to visit. Then again if I had a garden full of flowers that were actually alive, that would probably give her one too.

could be a banksy? cant believe this went up overnight.

right outside our office!

The man who wrote the “Hokey Cokey” died last week.

All was well until they put him in the coffin….they put his left arm in
and then the trouble started!!!!!!!!

Jimmy Tarbuck 1974

Found this hilarious spoof 80’s rock rendition of that client request you’ve heard time and again!!

And you can see the video by clicking here

Dont think this is one of banksy’s!

worst_album_covers_ever2.pdf

there are some shockers here! I promise they are not from my collection!

Kurt

Fresh Not Athletic continue their meteoric fall to the bottom of League 3 in the Power Soccer league. After a brief interruption when they found themselves in second to last place, the team pulled together and re-established themselves as rock-bottom.

The captain, Mark ‘Hacker’ Mackney, was heard speaking to reporters stating, ‘the overwhelming support that we have received from our fan has made the lads pull together, despite regular injuries the determination to concede as many goals as possible is second to none. We hope to continue this magnificent display of unfitness in the remaining four games of the competition’.

This report follows Fresh Not Athletics latest feature where the team looked down and out after scoring three goals, however when the final whistle was blown - normality was restored with the opposing team scoring 6 goals. Keep it up boys!
Final Score: Fresh Not Athletic 3 - AE United 6

Author: Danny

Why is it that when it rains the roads become packed, people drive like nutters and pull out in the road, trains are busier and buses are overcrowded - where do all these extra people come from when it rains?

Jo

Were getting ready to accommodate a new adage to FRESH01. We are bringing music to our portfolio. thats right fresh welcomes chewatribe to our ranks, Kelvin Avon runs the company that is well known for its ability to guide artists into finding their own sound. Services are production. remixing, songwriting, remixing, mixing and mastering. Chewatribe also have a dance division, producing dance for events, live performances and choreography.

Chewatribe will be integrated into the fresh mix offering clients podcasts, voice over, bespoke music composition, and soundscaping for use in all multi media work.

Kurt.

thanks Darren for this link…

Julian Cook, an analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Remember that bit in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big, baldy German guy is punching Indiana Jones and then turns round to see the propellers coming straight towards him? That’s how fucked they are.”

The fresh team have entered the aggressive world of power league 5 a side football!! 2 games, 2 defeats and numerous injuries but we are improving! So close last night, losing in the last minute as we pushed on for the winner!! Watch this space for more fresh not so athletic news!

3 inches in 5 months! - you must be kidding? Dr Corina Coley needs to watch out,  in 2 years that will have someones eye out!

Weve bit the bullet and finally binned the PC’s Its MAC all around running Virtual vista and XP where necessary! odd look that - a mac running windows - it just seems…. well …err - wrong!

The other day the fresh crew stumbled upon something unusual in the basement … what could it be? Buried treasure? The missing link? marty feldman? na… it was just Danny!! Amazing what lengths someone will do to get away from making coffee!!

great place to put your aircon!

can this ad actually be any better? sometimes i wonder if we as ‘designers’ take things too far - does it matter that its an ugly thing? or is that part of the strategy?

Just when you think Apple can’t do any better, they go and do this. The thinness of the new MacBook Air is just staggering, considering what you get inside. Where have they put everything? Another design classic for sure! I want one … I guess i’ll join the cue. AJ

There you go we’ve said it first - Facebook has become so passe and dull we cant be arsed to use it anymore - bored of superpoke, thrown sheep, useless comments uploaded by ‘friends’ you dont really know….

While the staff are away - we decided to mess up the office a bit, we left messages on all the computers and wrote all over the white boards - have fun fresh - see ya on the flip side

from the young ones

Here are some ideas for our new sister club night that Nick is setting up in Costa del Thanet! Nice one Siu

So heres a good example of how powerful typography is used to bang out a simple message in this case Helvetica Black. Even though the owner thinks that everyone has Kebabs for Dinner….